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Confessing to my Family

January 5, 2015

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I love that this blogger confessed about her debt to her family, and it's even better that she has a plan to get out of debt!One of my extended family members has had some serious financial issues in the past. I won’t go into too many details here, but they all came to bite her in the a$$ the week before Christmas. Her family can’t pay their bills. They are SEVERAL months behind in rent, utilities, and more, and yet they continue to pay over $400 EACH MONTH for a TV subscription that has all the “extras”.

The reason I am telling you about this is because it has had a huge effect on my family’s sanity over the past few weeks. My parents have been stressed beyond belief as they are so kind and wanting to help this person who continues to lie and deceive her family. My dad has had multiple family “meetings” with other extended family members about how to deal with our broke relative and he’s been talking PF a lot lately.

All crap hit the fan for this family member on Christmas day and my dad ended up spending a few hours away from our family and our festivities to help this relative. After he explained a few things to us (my mom, brother and me), I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

In case you don’t remember, I’ve never disclosed my debt or much about my blog to my family. That is until Christmas day.

I Finally Confessed About My Debt

“Guys, I have to tell you something,” I said nervously.

“Ok,” they said.

“Umm, well… I’m in debt too. I have just under $18k of consumer debt and student loans because I dug myself a hole. But, I have a plan to get out and I’m working hard to make it happen.” I said.

Silence.

“This is what my blog is all about. I blog about my journey to get out of debt and embracing minimalism. I put my monthly budget on there, I share my results, and I lay everything out for the world to see.”

Finally, my dad said, “Kayla, I’m so glad you told us about this and I’m proud of you for recognizing your debt before it became a problem like XXX (relative) has.”

What it Means Going Forward

That’s pretty much how it went down. Boy was I nervous to confess. I still haven’t given them the blog address, but I think the time is coming now that they are in the know about my debt.

Relief flooded me now that they know about my debt. Now I can express more of my feelings out loud instead of holding them in all the time. I was scared that my parents would be mad, upset, or disappointed in me for my financial mess, but instead they congratulated me for recognizing it and taking control. In fact, my dad suggested that I help them and my brother set up budgets of their own!

Don’t worry, I don’t want to be so involved in their finances that it messes up our relationship. I just want to provide them with all the knowledge I’ve gained over the past year(ish) and the knowledge I’m bound to learn as 2015 progresses too.

When was the last time you did something that scared you?

I love that this blogger confessed about her debt to her family, and it's even better that she has a plan to get out of debt!
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Kayla

Kayla is a mid-20s single girl living in the Midwest, USA. She is focused on paying off her consumer and student loans, while simplifying her life and closet. You can join her on her journey at ShoeaholicNoMore or follow her on Twitter.

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40 responses to “Confessing to my Family

  1. WOW! Sounds like the timing was great on your confession! Glad your dad is so supportive!
    A few of my family members have/are in debt, but they’ve all taken their own steps to dig themselves out of their holes. One got rid of nearly all their credit cards to resist temptation (cancelled some and hid/destroyed others so they wouldn’t use them). Another took on a part time job (in addition to a full-time job) to help get rid of some extra debts. It’s always great to see family succeed in fixing their own mistakes and I certainly wish the best for your family member who is struggling!
    & good luck to you with imparting your PF wisdom! They’re lucky to have you 🙂

    1. Thanks girl! The only thing left to share with them now is the link to the blog. They still don’t have that yet, haha.

    1. I hope we can work together and all get better with our finances, but I def don’t want to do anything to harm our relationship. Finances can be a touchy subject for sure!

  2. Good for you! You are an inspiration and motivate me. I subscribe to several PF blogs and always rush to open you post first. Thanks!

    1. It felt like I lost at least 15 lbs from my shoulders. I feel so much more free now to express things that are on my mind all the time.

    1. I didn’t know they could be that higher either, I was shocked! They must have every “extra” package that there is!

  3. Wow that’s a big step! Perhaps this will open a line of communication where both you and your family can benefit by working on your financial goals together.

    I’ve told both my parents (divorced) that I have a blog, but only one went and found it! We’re on the same page about keeping it out of the extended family. If they find it naturally because they are interested in PF, that’s one thing. It’s different if they have a different mindset and are reading because it’s me who is writing the blog.

    1. I know what you mean. I haven’t given my parents the url of the blog (yet) and IDK if/when I will.

  4. Whoa, that’s awesome Kayla! I kind of assumed your family already knew, but now I totally understand why they didn’t (and why they know now). I’m really glad it went over well 🙂

    The last time I did something scary (to me) was tell my Mom I’m freelance writing… I haven’t told her about my blog or where I write, but I finally had to come clean because I kept putting off hanging out with her to catch up on writing, and she was starting to feel hurt. It was either continue to hurt/lie to her, or tell her the truth and make myself feel all nervous and weird. The sacrifices we make for our parents sometimes…. 😉

    It went over all right for me. She wants to read my stuff but I refuse yet… she gets way too into my business and then wants to take over what I write about. I’m an only child, so keep boundaries is very, very, VERY important to me!

    1. I have told my parents that I’ve been freelancing online too, similarly to why you told your mom. They were asking what was keeping me so busy in the evenings lately, but they don’t really “get” it (how it works I mean). I haven’t given my parents the blog url either because I’m not really ready for them to be reading everything I write. Boundaries are important if you’re an only child or not, I feel like I need them since they live only about 4 miles from me and I see them all the time too.

  5. Good for you!! That’s such an important step toward finding support and accountability.

    p.s. I just googled “Kayla debt blog” and your blog came up #2, so it might not be too hard for them to find it now…LOL!! I’m sure they will be very proud if they do see it. You have one of the best PF/debt blogs out there!

    1. Uh oh! I didn’t think of that! I figured I wasn’t ranked high enough for anyone to really find me that way yet, haha. Thanks for the heads up!

  6. I’m so happy for you that things went very well with telling your family about your financial situation. It’s great that they were so supportive and now encouraging you to help them with their budgets. Absolutely couldn’t have gone better.

    I have a few family members and friends who struggle financially because of poor financial decisions (one after another after another) and it’s so difficult as an extended family member to see them ruin their own lives.

    Best wishes to you and your family!

    1. It is hard to see them keep making mistakes, but at some point you have to realize they are doing it themselves and they can’t be helped if they don’t want to change. That’s about where we are with my extended family member.

  7. Hey that’s wonderful. I bet you feel a lot better having told them. I haven’t told my mom (might not ever) because our views on money are very different.
    Something scary I’ve done recently? I moved in with my brother in law yesterday. It’s only temporary, but I feel like I want to apologize continuously for being in their space. I’m having to accept that maybe they don’t think I’m a huge burden on them. It’s weird.

    1. Oh man! Moving in with family must be hard! I haven’t talked about it on here yet (because I’m not totally positive it will happen), but my brother is thinking about moving in with me after he gets done with school in May (he already has a job lined up here in town and doesn’t want to keep living with our parents). If he does it will be helpful for both of us financially.

  8. Wow, what a big step! It’s so amazing that your family is supportive and proud of you for having a plan to tackle your debt. And rightfully so. So many people don’t take that initiative, as your family member demonstrated. Good for you!

    I haven’t told anyone I know, other than my husband, about my blog (granted, it’s still very new). I think I would be terrified to do so any time soon! But you do raise a good point, I can’t really remember that last time I did something that scares me. Maybe I should try it. As the saying goes, life begins at the end of your comfort zone…

    1. Your comfort zone isn’t static, it’s ever changing. If you don’t stretch it, it will shrink over time. I don’t think we challenge ourselves often enough and that is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately in relation to lots of different areas of life.

  9. We have not told our family about our blog. We have touched on the idea of our goal for financial independence with them though. That idea has been met with a lukewarm response. We do tend to disagree with some of their money spending habits, and don’t hold back in sharing those opinions, so I’m not sure if we will ever divulge our secret. Though at times I would prefer to let it all out in the open. I’m so glad your confession turned out well. I could only hope for a similar result!

    1. Yes, they know about my financial situation now and about my blog, but I haven’t given them the blog’s location. At least not yet! Sorry your family wasn’t more supportive. That’s a bummer!

  10. AAAHHHH!! I’m so happy for you and your supportive family! I think it shows how much you’ve matured financially since then. I’m sure your parents are very proud 🙂 (not of the debt…but you know 😉 )

  11. Good For YOU! Your hard work is an inspiration only to those who appreciate the struggles and want the same for themselves… others that let wants rule will not “get it”. Sad but true.

    I can tell you that you will be able to help total strangers more then your own family. My daughters tell me after the fact, if at all, when they could avoid all sorts of issues if they just told me first. BUT they are living their life “their way” so be it.

    I am so glad you are sharing and helping me…

    1. Hi Rae! Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you’ve found my blog helpful to you so far. That’s great. Good luck on your journey! 🙂

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