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divorce

6 Reasons I’m Glad I’ve Been Through Divorce

April 30, 2018

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If you’re a long-time reader, you may have already heard bit and pieces about my divorce story over the years since I started blogging. So, I’m not going to share all of the details here.

Instead, I want to share with you a few reasons why I’m glad I’ve been through divorce.

Divorce Sucks

Before I get into the reasons why I’m glad I’ve been through divorce, I do want to say that divorce sucks.

No one (I assume) goes into marriage expecting or looking forward to get divorced. If so, they are crazy.

Divorce is hard.

It’s hard to let go of that vision you’ve had in your head since you were a little kid about marrying your prince and living happily ever after.

It’s hard to know that you’re now one of the people contributing to a negative statistic. (Even though apparently no knows how much the statistic actually is.)

For me, it was hard to think that I wouldn’t ever be able to say that I was only married once and was still happily married, thank you very much.

But even as hard as it is when you’re going through divorce, getting to the other side will help you to eventually see that it was probably for the best.

Coming to Terms with Divorce

I have to admit, it took me a lot longer than I let on to really come to terms with being divorced.

The biggest reason being that I was so embarrassed about it.

I thought, “Wow. Here I am not even 21 years old and I’m divorced.”

I really beat myself up about it by thinking, “Who’s ever going to want to date me now that I’m divorced? They’ll think something must be wrong with me.”

In fact, even when I started writing about divorce and sharing bits and pieces here and there on various blogs and podcasts, I still wasn’t really over it.

Only after being divorced for several years did I finally come to terms with being divorced. I’m not exactly sure when it happened. It’s not like you wake up and suddenly you’re just okay with it.

But on the other hand, so much has happened since then that it feels like it happened to someone else, not to me.

Why I’m Glad I’ve Been Through Divorce

This brings me to why I’m glad I’ve been through divorce.

1. I Learned to Be Independent

Before my divorce, I was scared to be on my own.

I went from living with my parents, to living with roommates in the dorm in college, to living with my husband. I never got a chance to be on my own.

At first, I was terrified to be on my own. I would almost never go anywhere in the evening if it was dark. I kept every single door lock locked at all times. The TV was always on for noise, even if I wasn’t watching it.

But, being on my own gave me a chance to learn how to be independent. Now I love having time and space for myself.

Solo travel is still on my to-do list, but it’s going to happen!

2. It Made Me Stronger

Looking back, I’m surprised I made it through as successfully as I did. I didn’t realize it as the time, but I was depressed when I got divorced.

I went into a spiral of overspending, racking up debt, and barely keeping my head above water at school and work.

With my poor performance during that time, I’m kind of amazed that I kept my grades up (for the most part) and still made it through my four year college degree in only three years.

3. I’d Never Be Here Now

Without my divorce, I’d never be here now. I’ve come to realize that all of the events leading me to be here are essential and without them, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post and this website would no exist.

My divorce and subsequent overspending lead to my debt problem. The debt problem lead me to find the world of personal finance blogs.

Personal finance blogs helped me start my business. My business helped me quit my job so I can sit here and write this post instead of working at a boring office job all day. 🙂

Isn’t life funny that way?

4. I Know What Love Is and Isn’t

Without having experienced my marriage and divorce, I wouldn’t know what I truly want the next time around. (If there even is a next time around. The jury is still out on that one.)

I learned a lot about what love is and what love isn’t. Because of my divorce, I learned what to look for in a partner and how to be a better partner myself.

5. I Learned to Trust My Gut

There were so many warning signs leading up to my wedding day and I stupidly ignored them all. These days I’m much better about trusting my gut. Most of the time anyway!

6. I Get to Help Others

I saved the best for last.

Even though it makes me sad, I’m so glad I’ve been through divorce and now have the opportunity to help others.

Lately I’ve been approached by several friends and acquaintances who are going through divorce and separations.

I’ve been told multiple times that me sharing my story and the journey I’ve been on since my divorce is inspiring to them. (By the way, that’s so flattering!)

These conversations have opened my eyes to the lack of resources to help women (and men) going through divorce. This is why I felt compelled by a higher calling to help.

Introducing Cash Wise ExWives

My friend Shanah and I have teamed up to create a very affordable support and informational group to help women get through divorce without experiencing financial ruin.

Cash Wise ExWives offers support for women who are trying to figure out their finances as they navigate their way through divorce.

We have multiple membership levels so you can get as much (or as little!) help as you need and can afford. Check out our membership levels and all of their benefits here.

This is a brand new program and I’m so excited about it!

If you’re interested, we are offering an introductory sale on the smallest plan, Baby Steps. Normally this is $27 per month, but you can it for just $17 per month with the code BABY10!

If you do join the group, I’m going to be sharing my divorce story in a LIVE chat on May 17th. This includes many details I’ve never shared with anyone. (Like literally no one. Not even my family and friends know these things.)

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12 responses to “6 Reasons I’m Glad I’ve Been Through Divorce

  1. Kayla only 6 reasons? I joke, I also went through a divorce in my 20s. I think we worry that we will be damaged afterwards but actually taking a stand for your happiness and dignity is the most empowering thing!

    That relationship made you just as the divorce did. And now we don’t need to rush into marriage again! We should all embrace our divorcee’ status.

    1. Yes, as much as divorce sucks, wading through all of the crap has made me the person I am today and, I hope, a better and stronger person. It definitely opened my eyes to want I want if there is a second time.

  2. I’m so happy for you Kayla, and I’m so glad you see the positives more than the negatives. I can’t imagine never meeting you, and I’m so proud of the incredible woman you are!

    1. Thank you! I have so enjoyed meeting you! I have met so many people who have enriched my life. There are so many positives about my life right now that I am enjoying it overshadows the few negatives.

  3. People who get married young end in 2 ways:

    1. The marriage is really great because the 2 people grow together
    2. The marriage ends in a disaster

    Ultiamtely I think it just depends on how mature the 2 people are. Age is not the same thing as maturity

    1. That’s true. Age doesn’t equal maturity. There are a lot of middle-aged immature people and some really young people who are very mature. I’m just glad I learned so much from it. If there’s ever a round two I don’t plan on making the same mistakes.

  4. I just turned 31 and I can name at least 20 people my age and younger who got divorced while still in their 20s. Several were under 25! Since then, I’ve seen their lives (and some of the ex-spouse’s lives) improve in so many ways. While it may be difficult at the moment, it’s only one part of one’s journey. 🙂

    1. You’re absolutely right. Although I certainly didn’t enjoy the heartbreak and anguish that went along with it, my life now is so much better. As you pointed out, it’s a part of my journey to where I am now.

  5. I got divorced from my first wife in my 20s. It sucked, but it was for the best. We were married for less than a year and should never had gotten married in the first place. I just ignored all the warning signs – I told myself she was just stressed from wedding planning. Nothing changed afterwards.

    1. That’s very similar to my story. But I bet, like me, you learned a lot from it. Plus, now you have a brand new baby! That’s so awesome!

  6. I just finished a series on my blog that is titled, “I made every mistake in the book” and getting married to the wrong person (arranged marriage) and divorce was the top mistake that cost me a ton emotionally and financially.

    The one thing that I came out of it was that I was at rock bottom and nowhere to go but up. Forced me to reassess my life and I came into contact with some very helpful bloggers and now I have turned my life around completely.

    1. It’s hard to the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re engulfed in the darkness of divorce. But it sounds like you made your way through it. I’m so glad some good came out of your situation.

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