If you’re a long-time reader, you may have already heard bit and pieces about my divorce story over the years since I started blogging. So, I’m not going to share all of the details here.
Instead, I want to share with you a few reasons why I’m glad I’ve been through divorce.
Before I get into the reasons why I’m glad I’ve been through divorce, I do want to say that divorce sucks.
No one (I assume) goes into marriage expecting or looking forward to get divorced. If so, they are crazy.
Divorce is hard.
It’s hard to let go of that vision you’ve had in your head since you were a little kid about marrying your prince and living happily ever after.
It’s hard to know that you’re now one of the people contributing to a negative statistic. (Even though apparently no one knows how much the statistic actually is.)
For me, it was hard to think that I wouldn’t ever be able to say that I was only married once and was still happily married, thank you very much.
But even as hard as it is when you’re going through divorce, getting to the other side will help you to eventually see that it was probably for the best.
Coming to Terms with Divorce
I have to admit, it took me a lot longer than I let on to really come to terms with being divorced.
The biggest reason being that I was so embarrassed about it.
I thought, “Wow. Here I am not even 21 years old and I’m divorced.”
I really beat myself up about it by thinking, “Who’s ever going to want to date me now that I’m divorced? They’ll think something must be wrong with me.”
In fact, even when I started writing about divorce and sharing bits and pieces here and there on various blogs and podcasts, I still wasn’t really over it.
Only after being divorced for several years did I finally come to terms with being divorced. I’m not exactly sure when it happened. It’s not like you wake up and suddenly you’re just okay with it.
But on the other hand, so much has happened since then that it feels like it happened to someone else, not to me.
Why I’m Glad I’ve Been Through Divorce
This brings me to why I’m glad I’ve been through divorce.
1. I Learned to Be Independent
Before my divorce, I was scared to be on my own.
I went from living with my parents, to living with roommates in the dorm in college, to living with my husband. I never got a chance to be on my own.
At first, I was terrified to be on my own. I would almost never go anywhere in the evening if it was dark. I kept every single door lock locked at all times. The TV was always on for noise, even if I wasn’t watching it.
But, being on my own gave me a chance to learn how to be independent. Now I love having time and space for myself.
Solo travel is still on my to-do list, but it’s going to happen!
2. It Made Me Stronger
Looking back, I’m surprised I made it through as successfully as I did. I didn’t realize it as the time, but I was depressed when I got divorced.
I went into a spiral of overspending, racking up debt, and barely keeping my head above water at school and work.
With my poor performance during that time, I’m kind of amazed that I kept my grades up (for the most part) and still made it through my four year college degree in only three years.
3. I’d Never Be Here Now
Without my divorce, I’d never be here now. I’ve come to realize that all of the events leading me to be here are essential and without them, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post and this website would no exist.
My divorce and subsequent overspending lead to my debt problem. The debt problem lead me to find the world of personal finance blogs.
Personal finance blogs helped me start my business. My business helped me quit my job so I can sit here and write this post instead of working at a boring office job all day. 🙂
Isn’t life funny that way?
4. I Know What Love Is and Isn’t
Without having experienced my marriage and divorce, I wouldn’t know what I truly want the next time around. (If there even is a next time around. The jury is still out on that one.)
I learned a lot about what love is and what love isn’t. Because of my divorce, I learned what to look for in a partner and how to be a better partner myself.
5. I Learned to Trust My Gut
There were so many warning signs leading up to my wedding day and I stupidly ignored them all. These days I’m much better about trusting my gut. Most of the time anyway!
6. I Get to Help Others
I saved the best for last.
Even though it makes me sad, I’m so glad I’ve been through divorce and now have the opportunity to help others.
Lately I’ve been approached by several friends and acquaintances who are going through divorce and separations.
I’ve been told multiple times that me sharing my story and the journey I’ve been on since my divorce is inspiring to them. (By the way, that’s so flattering!)
These conversations have opened my eyes to the lack of resources to help women (and men) going through divorce. This is why I felt compelled by a higher calling to help.
Introducing Cash Wise ExWives
My friend Shanah and I have teamed up to create a very affordable support and informational group to help women get through divorce without experiencing financial ruin.
Cash Wise ExWives offers support for women who are trying to figure out their finances as they navigate their way through divorce.
We have multiple membership levels so you can get as much (or as little!) help as you need and can afford. Check out our membership levels and all of their benefits here.
This is a brand new program and I’m so excited about it!
If you’re interested, we are offering an introductory sale on the smallest plan, Baby Steps. Normally this is $27 per month, but you can it for just $17 per month with the code BABY10!
If you do join the group, I’m going to be sharing my divorce story in a LIVE chat on May 17th. This includes many details I’ve never shared with anyone. (Like literally no one. Not even my family and friends know these things.)